Not so much as a fashion statement... more of a fashion thesis.

"Here I am,
As I am,
As you make me
Think I am" - Therapy? - Nurse (Published A&M Records 1992)

OK I'm going to come out and say it. My avatar isn't quite what most people expect; and I get a range of comments based on my in-world appearance. ost seem generally quite taken aback with how I look. Some think it's cool... others are evidently disturbed, and the odd few (guys with creation dates less than 4 weeks ago) generally think that because I appear how I do, I must be in-world solely to screw... Well... I'm sure it would have gotten boring after two years if that were the case, but as you can probably guess, it's not.

When I arrived to SL in December '06 I was as lost as anyone else. Well... maybe not *quite* as lost as some. I played about on Help Island 4 for the best part of a week building, figuring out camera controls and getting to know the lie of the land before embarking into SL proper.. and thanks to a handy dandy credit card, and running across SL Boutique I arrived in-world prety much set as I first thought I'd be happy to appear. Short wavy red hair a la ETD, a Nyte and Day black halter, gray mix combat pants and a pair of (what turned out to be dramatically oversized) combat boots, with a shape that was petite; yet not stick thin. Nothing particularly dramatic I give you, but somehing that didn't look entirely like a noob.

In-world, I hit the ol' credit card a second time, bought some more lindens and invested in a Second Skin Labs skin - red to go with the hair... and my work was done... until someone... well... half the grid commented on my footwear being silly. Step in (the then blonde) Trinity Coulter, who whisked me away from Help Island Public, where I had become part of the furniture around the blue circle. She dropped me with aheavy thud in the middle of Curious Kitties, prior to the DK split. I went wow... went nuts and spent a fortune, acquiring practically everything in what were to become my signature colors - red and black. Kalli mark 2 was born.


Kalli, January 24th 2007

This was more or less how I stayed for a VERY long time. I flirted with neko around April, acquiring a Temenos skin and ears selection; but generally as I started to make hair, the effort of throwing together a quirky yet cute wardrobe became less of a priority. Don't get me wrong, I liked the look, and compared to how I am in RL, it was definitely fun. My Av became something of a dress-up doll, and there's no harm in that. Had it continued I suspect though I wouldn't be making hair, and if I were still inworld, I'd be a fashion blogger - knowing me, probably with a page called "Prim Whore" or something... but more on that later.

Either way, it ended because above everythng else, a lot of it felt contrived. While yes, I felt I looked good, and regularly was told I did, I didn't feel entirely comfortable. That and I was starting to work more and more inworld, making hair and so on... so it became obvious to me that when you're locked away from virtual humanity on a posing stand, you really don't have to break out the CK buckle skirt, WRONG braces and skinny rib croptop new from Artilleri. This in mind I started looking for a simple somethng that I could just throw on and work in... then I saw an advert posted in the SL forums. It's random coincidences like this that change your life, I tell you.

Anyway. a new designer (of whom I had never heard) named Jeela Juran had thrown out an advert for metallic hipster pants in a range of colors. I looked at them and though "ooh... they look a little different"... So I went over and after a little umming and ahhing (and a long talk to the designer's other half, Elf Juran) acquired a pair... in cherry red... that matched a camo top from WRONG almost perfectly. From July to October 2007 there I was in-world in a slight deviation from the red theme, and in a slight deviation from what is effectively the whole tee and pants deal. Nothing fancy, but something a little bit different.

Over the next few months, a number of things began to change. I felt more at home in SL... my business became established and I became more confident... above all else, I got to know the palce a little better, and realised that I could express myself a little more freely with how I appeared. I always wanted to push the envelope a little and make use of what was available in-world to stand out from the crowd (as if my diminuative av didn't already). Many people have referred to em as a goth... btu to be honest I never was. More industrial, and one with a penchant for large boots and heavy coats... The development of sculpted prims has been a godsend in that respect, and now I live in sculptie jackets, longcoats and trenches... but often with very little to nothing udnerneath (modesty aside... I cover those bits up!)

I still frequent Jeela's stores, and have updated the hipsters some, now wearing black latex ones rather than red metallic. Why latex? Why not... she does it very well, and I like how it appears. I also know full well I couldn't do it in RL... so it's a fantasy thing I suspect. Naturally I wear my own hair and eyes - Kaiba braids in Penny and Starstruck Alicias (dark hazel) as standard, and the redheaded skin is there, albeit the updated SSL version - a tweaked copy of the Lyra Sublime base.

The one thing I suspect that throws a LOT of people though is the one other item that's become a regular feature... or even a fixture. A Graves G04 leather harness, usually worn over the top of other clothes.


Kalli, 22nd January, 2009

I know what you're thinking. It took me a long while to appreciate why I felt so comfortable walking around in something so binding... so heavilly associated with submission, and that does take some explaination but I am not in any way, shape or form, bound or submissive to anyone inworld. I point blank refuse to, but there's a lot of ground there and I'll save it for another post.

I like my heavy jackets as they offer me protection. I refer to my own RL coat (the one that I take with me everywhere) as my armor, and this transfers wholesale to SL. Underneath it I am weak... vulnerable and easily hurt - hence the desire to be as good as naked under my carapace - more as a reminder to myself than a come-on to others... although it does look rather hot, it has to be said. But the harness is definitely not normal streetwear... but what it does do, symbolically, is hold me in... bound to myself in all my frailty, strapped into my body while offering little protection of its own, but providing a point of focus.

I walk inworld, trussed up in my own bubble. Seemingly confident on the outside but knowing that I am here, effectively, on my own; a prisoner of myself, but protected and safe as a result. I am my own mistress, and submit to my own will.

Until next time,

Kalli

A sudden flash...

I've not been around SL much for the last couple of weeks, but I do get on (when the system's not utterly dead, logins are not blocked and the rest...) and when I do I notice things... usually.

It was yesterday however that a friend IMed me and said "I see you've erected your treehouse again!"

I froze... I've never owned a treehouse, but sure enough, on a little plot adjacent to my land, a treehouse stood... and a branded treehouse belonging to someone I have not seen hide nor hair of online for 14 months. And in front of the treehouse, I discovered, stood a lifeguard's chair.

I blanched... literally my fingertips went cold where I sat, and my mouth went dry.

I cammed around the chair, and sure enough it was the same one as I remembered from way back when... from before I even opened the store.

A post from the very early days of my shop blog... here, in fact... hints at what was going on.

The friend who erected the treehouse was one of the initial group of people (Help Island rats who decided to escape) who moved first to Puzo in January and then onto Synchronicity in March of 2007. Another of our number was the resident of that lifeguard's chair. It was she; or her memory at least, that made the adrenaline start flowing as hard as it did; and for my RL av to start feeling cold, despite being sat in front of the three bar heater.

Why?

Well... She was, and I hope still is one of my best friends in any world... virtual or otherwise; but due to factors that I cannot divulge (because, dear reader, I'm not privy to them precisely) she walked from Second Life mere days after I returned and set up the store, without so much as a word.

Now don't get me wrong... I am not holding any ill-feeling towards her in the slightest; and I understand more than she knows how hard it would have been to tell us all that she was going... that and she was never one to believe in the "grand gesture" in that sense. In fact in many ways I'm grateful she just went... because I still hold out some kind of hope that maybe, just maybe her decision wasn't final.

Seeing the treehouse... owned by an RL friend of hers, makes me wonder if by some fluke, by some slim chance she might come back also... Ok, not to stay... for me to feel like that would be inherently selfish and I'm generally not towards my friends... but just a word... a few minutes to catch up and realise that all is OK would mean so much.

So I wait...

I sit in my own land and wait, watching the the guard station from the corner of my eye for that telltale glimpse of red...

Until next time,

Kalli

I'm Speechless...

'Hey! y u not voice?'

How many times have I heard that exact phrase (and that exact phrasing) from people in the store, at an event or whatnot...

*sighs*

I do not voice. Voice chat is disabled and no, I do not want to switch it on so you can talk at me while I type replys. My reasons are many... from the practical:

• I don't have a microphone


• My computer volume has two settings - Mute and playing earsplitting METAL


• The latter generally wins as I listen to music constantly and with intent to offend

To the personal:

• My profile states I'm shy... I am... so not forthcoming verbally at the best of times


• ...compounded by the fact that I'm softly spoken, and would have to shout, even with a headset mic to get heard


• ...and unless I really am prepared for a conversation, I'm the proud owner of a nervous stammer


• ...and an acccent that nobody can understand, let alone place, so they perpetually ask me about it... which annoys me

But the main one I guess is simple... Sl to me is a place of peace, and strangely, for a social networking tool, silence. My SL experience has nigh on always been mute (and particularly after I discovered what gesturbating was in earnest when I went clubbing for the first time)... and as such, I know exactly how everybody I know sounds.

Avatars, in my mind, have personalities beyond that of their RL counterparts. I 'hear' them talking to me as I read; and as such I get to know then that way. Only twice have I heard another of my friends speak (as both were streaming for an event at the time.) The latter I knew was Italian, and DJing in English. The accent was unmistakable, the pitch and intonation of his voice was as I expected... if a little higher; but no real surprises there.

The former, a tall, well styled guy with a serious business empire behind him sounded like... and he knows I love him to bits so please don't take this the wrong way... Deputy Dawg.

My vision of the man was shaken. Then I sat down and thought of all the other things playing through my mind, and would I be let down again if I heard the people I knew speak, removing the mystique... the illusion that I've constructed in my warped little mind. And yes... I think I would.

So, being a selfish cow that I am, I refuse to voice. My world... My imagination... and that's the way I'd like to keep it. It also means that my other half has a voice that makes my clothes melt off me, and woe betide anyone who tries to strip me of that illusion... ;P

(A muted) Kalli

I'm a SLebrity...

Three days ago I had an exchange with a resident who was requesting a refund from my store, which, as is policy, I refused - my items are no transfer therefore cannot be returned. This means I don't offer refunds (and say as much in my profile)... This is the same for nigh-on all hairmakers in SL. Either way; he was not best pleased and threatened to get me banned from SL with the warning line that "You don't know who I am!"

Well no... I don't know you, save from what's listed in your profile; which is the case for everyone in SL save my closest friends. It's fair to say as well that relating to SL, after reading the profile in question, I was STILL unaware of who this person was, as all that was contained were details of his SL partner.

SL, to me has always been a level playing field, although some people, admittedly, did "get here first"... the oldest friend on my list has an account creation date of the 26th December 2002... so six years ago today (Happy Rez-day Washu!). A lot of people on SL have made a name for themselves through whatever means, and that impresses me, insofar as they're being successful in a new frontier medium.

Now I must confess to being the impressionable type who gets a little starstruck from time to time... and this happened to me in the evening before Hair Fair this year, when I was online LATE.. 4am my time, touring the compound ahead of it opening to the masses, when I fell across the one resident who was my inspiration to start making hair... And the funniest thing is she has absolutely no idea, because rather than say Hi and introduce myself, I spazzed out. I stared at her for a few minutes while she shopped on unaware of my attention, and eventually TPed out... leaving me behind to kick myself.

The person? Helyanwe Vindaloo... So now you know... I'm not immune. Sorry.

On a personal note, I've been described as a SLebrity in my own right in the odd blog post, and in communication with (admittedly newer) users, but I don't agree. I make a little cash in SL, it's true, but I cannot vouch for Celebrity status, as I'm never seen anywhere in-world. I just perch myself on a posing stand and shift prims about.

SL is a meritocricy in my honest opinion. I look up to those who can do things that I cannot, as it impresses me. I hope that this attitude is universal, but I suspect it's not... and even so, status, however achieved, should not be levered about to pressure or bully people into treating others differently. "You don't know who I am" is and should never be a threat... merely a statement. After all, SL is about networking; and as the Irish say, A stranger is merely a friend who you haven't met...

Still... I doubt I'll hear from them again; and I wish them well, but suggest that they might like to take things a little less seriously in future... SL is, in their opinion, only a game after all... I was able to get that much from their profile...

Thankyou for playing..

Kalli

Make fun of me all you want...

...but if you're making fun of my business; you're in trouble.

I was recently offered the chance to have my work showcased in a fashion show...

Well OK I thought, so I looked at the clothes that were going to be paired with my hair and wondered why I was asked... but what the hell... free publicity for the sake of a few hairs, and the clothing designer was happy with my work; so I agreed to go ahead.

This was two weeks ago

During the interim I've received some notecards containing publicity materials with my store strangely missing... so I made a few tentative inquiries with the organisers as to why. They told me not to worry; but naturally I did.

Then the list of styles and colors needed for the models came through. I read it with increasing nausea. They wanted a list of primary colored pigtails; which while yes I do sell them, they are not a core part of my business empire. No braids were on the list; in fact teh newest requested style was Siren, featured in Savoir Hair in MAY of this year... so 7 months old. I raised this with the organisers and they responded with "we weren't to know". This was before I found out that the venue wasn't where I thought, but in a locale that I had strong objections with the décor for. Now I'm not going to say why, as to do so will allow you to pinpoint the event. And while I am fuming, I do not want my words to adversely affect the other designers who are still involved in this thing.

I made suggestions to the organisers about my work, about the lie of the land and even about internationalising the advertising (which could have been read as offensive in one or two languages), I sent notecards with my requests, but still I got stonewalled. Finally, after arguing the toss with one of them for two hours yesterday, I got dropped, and accused of making things hard for them...

Well I guess it's a learning experience; and one I will not be repeating. I'll be drawing up groundrules that must be adhered to for future reference.

Yesterday...

I was afraid... I knew what I had to do, and I was going to do it... hold my nerve...

I stared at the knife in my hand - a Stanley Boxcutter, just so you know - my throat dry, adrenaline, as well as the obligatory caffeine pumping through my veins, knowing that what I had to face would, doubtlessly cause me to cease to exist. The question was, what would be on the other side?

I had been building the moment up in my head for over a week... well... truth be told it's been on the agenda for nearly a year... and it was simply a matter of when the time was right and I could put it off no more. It came yesterday.

The groundwork had been complete, I had sorted out everything else... My affairs were in order and I just had this one final thing to do. I unsheathed the blade, and held it's cold steel edge against the thin vein down which my very lifeblood flowed... I closed my eyes, steadied my breathing and in one swift movement I brought the blade to bear, slicing all the way through in a single stroke.

I, Kallisti Burns, died in an instant... I ceased to be, right then and there.

30 minutes later, out the other side, in RL, my flesh and blood avatar reconnected my phone line to it's new point, and none the worse for wear, I emerged, albeit slowly, at 3 frames per second on the wireless laptop...

Now dear readers, I can safely say that my dread machine (known as Evil, just FYI) has found it's new home, and from here, I hope once again to get back on my quest of making hair...

Nice hair... can I sell it?

Its a known fact as a designer on SL, that you run in a herd; virtual wildebeest, chewing the cud on the planes of the metaverse, launching your products out for all to see; yet on the outside of this herd... well... no, I tell a lie... on the inside of the herd exist a number of hyenas, wildebeest pelts draped across their shoulders so they blend in - the copybotters.

Many often like to portray themselves as upmarket, classy even, supplying the best products at reduced rates because... well... they're nice people.

Bull...

These people lure in unsuspecting residents who know no different undermine the work of those dedicated to creating new and original content, until in the end, covered in bitemarks, some or more of the designers fall by the wayside, raising a their arms in capitulation that they can no longer face making more stuff to be ripped off. Lost Thereian, RIP...

Well, I talk in metaphors as last week I was bitten for the first time. One of my braided styles that I'm getting more and more known for was ripped off by a 'botter from Brazil... so I spent hours poring over the legal requirements of submitting an official complaint, citing the DMCA in the USA, and then faxing Linden Labs with the claim.

It was upheld. The offending product has been removed.

OK... This is a good thing, in a small way, but I lost two days of my works time trying to rectify this issue, and I don't know how much in revenue... chances are not a lot... but still - not good when I make between sod and bugger all on a daily basis at the best of times.

One has to wonder though, how long until it happens again... and will the frequency of such copies increase? Who knows. All I want to say is thanks to the removals team at Linden Labs for their prompt response.

So... where am I going with this? Not sure... I guess I wanted to just say the folowing to all you out there in SL land. New users, established residents and anyone else that I choose not to categorise.

There is no such thing as legitimate, good, free hair. There is no such thing as a legitimate, good free skin. The ONLY exception to these rules are group gifts from established designers... and these are NEVER offered full perm.

If you find full perm skins or hair, they're ripped off. If you resell them, you're selling illegal goods, whether you choose to admit it or not. You are NOT doing new residents a favour, you're simply perpetuating the abuse of the designers working like slaves to keep ahead of the copybots; and you're flooding the market with cheap black-market merch that we have to fight against. Full permission, copied work is, in SL, like a big fat bag of crack is in RL. Expensive, Illegal, and dangerous. Some people think it's OK, and choose to take it... well more fool them. Some think "how much harm can it do" and sell it on... well...

Sooner or later a crack dealer's going to hear about a client who's died as a result of their efforts to make a few dollars. Sooner or later, the designer who's been ripped off is going to walk; and SL will be poorer as a result. Please... no matter how much of a bargain or a get rich quick scheme you think it is, don't deal in 'botted merchandise.

Thanks for reading.

Kalli